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Letter to Lowly Self...

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Dear me,         

Life and the going about of it can sometimes be confusing. Just when you feel like you are winning, there is always that retarded element or spirit that keeps pulling you back. It is interesting to note that even those that confess of a faith have similar struggles. We are growing (old) fast and with each ticking of the clock, new realizations come our way. Do you ever feel insufficient, unappreciated, despised, scorned or even just plain ugly? You are not alone. Such are the realities of life. One day you are up there rolling on the niceties of life and another day you are down in a deep dungeon of solitude. You often wonder whether it’s you that makes wrong decisions about life or you are just a victim of fate. Good thing is that you haven’t lost hope yet. The reality, however, is that life (as it is) sucks you dry. 

You happen to be indifferent to virtually every aspect of life and humanity. You have those weird thoughts of locking yourself up in your own small world and doing shit with your life. You just want to be you but then humans are relational beings.  You will always have that click of people that care or rather pretend to, swirling around you or your life (if you still have any). You picture them complaining, crying, them being miserable with your absence and change your mind. They will give you false hope while maybe secretly rejoicing at your miserable life. You know what? Only you have the key to unlock what is truly inside you. Let no man, woman or god take away that joy that you so much long for. You see, these are just people or deities with their own limitations. In their pursuit of self-righteousness, you will never be right. In their obsession of worldly possessions, you will never have enough. In their craze about beauty and physique, you will forever fall way below their ideals. If you are a man, your efforts will forever be below average. We are selfish, very selfish as humans. The shitty and sad reality about life is that you will never have the opportunity to express how you truly feel without being victimized. The same people will look at you with disdain when your ideas are not in line with what they feel is right.

Nonetheless, the good thing about life is that every one of us has their own miserable existence. No explanations or apologies are necessary for your mess. It is you that has to put your shit together and change the ride around your life. Expect no public sympathy. When you die today, we will miss the person that was you, we won’t care how many hearts you broke or how many men or women you laid. There is always that positive aspect of you that we will miss. Being a good man is desirable but that should not push you to be a pleaser. Observe your limits and stick to what is prudential. We all have been there before where we strive to please the people we supposedly hold dear to our lives. How many times have we been proved wrong? That woman you thought had your best interests at heart has been cheating on you since forever. She will fuck around and still look you in the eyes with the innocence of a new born, call you babe and have you raise kids that aren’t your own. The man (or money) you so much love is the same man that will infect you with unheard of diseases and move on like nothing ever happened. But so is life.

Everything happens to be moving in a boring cycle that will drain the life out of you. You will struggle to find peace but trust me that peace is worth it. Learn to love yourself amidst all this BS that is thrown at you. Never apologize for being real, never allow yourself to be underrated. My friend, don’t beg for life or love. Live your life legally and in whichever way you see fit. Hustle, because your life depends on it. Love your God and a few people that mean something to you. Take joy in little things. Very few people genuinely care; the crowd will just fuck you. Anyway, when you are about to die (because you will surely do), have no regrets, please smile and bid farewell to this miserable existence. It should, it must be sweeter on the other side. Should you find that peace before I do though, kindly lead me to the same source.

See you later.

 

 

 


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